beginning of the end.

“I wish I knew when all my lasts were happening,” she gazed absentmindedly into the rain. “I wish I knew when I was hugging someone for the last time, or feeling a soul connection for the last time, because you never know if they’ll change their mind out of the blue or become a completely different person the next time you see them. I am so terrified of having lasts”, she dropped her voice to a whisper, “That maybe it would be safer not to have firsts.”


– protection /4.28.18

Fire & Ice (Part 1)

“Small fire! I said to set a small fire!! This is not small!!!” Helplessly, I stared at the blazing inferno raging around me. Thick smoke filled my nostrils, and I coughed, glaring harshly at the apologetic boy in front of me.

“This is all your fault! What part of ‘small’ do you not understand, you idiot!”

“I’m sorry-“ he tried.

I interrupted, “This is your first task, and you’ve already proven to be a miserable wreck! Tell me, what do I do with you?!”

He hung his head, looking dejected, and for a split second a small part of me wanted to pat him on the back and tell him everything would be okay, but I maintained my chilly facade. I had had it harder during my own initiation. If he wanted to join the league, he must pass the pre-training.

“I can’t believe they assigned me to train him,” I muttered under my breath. Extending my palm, I aimed a perfect spray of ice at the roaring flames. Immediately, they disappeared with a hiss, and I closed my palm, turning to frown at my protégé.

He winced.

I smiled, satisfied with his reaction. “Now,” I said firmly, if you want to get better at this, you need to practice. You want to join the league, don’t you?”

“Yes,” he gulped, his eyes wide. I took note that they were the color of pure honey. Suddenly disgusted with him, I began stalking back and forth.

“You were selected from your clan – only you! And here you are, making horrible use of your gift. This is only the pre-training! What will you do when – IF – you ever get to the real thing?” My voice had risen, and I struggled to keep it down, noting the way his hands were smoldering with a fiery glow.

Hmmm. Maybe that was the way to get this to work. Furiously, I began to pace faster.

“You soggy biscuit!” I barked. “Are you useless?! You were chosen for a reason, but I’m starting to doubt you! Show me what you can do, or you’re done here!”

His eyes began to shimmer with burnt orange sparks, and he clenched his flickering fists.

“SHOW ME!” I roared. That was all it took. With a terrifying cry, the boy opened his palms to the sky. Perfectly sized flames sparked to life in his hands, and he forgot his anger, gaping in awe. I congratulated myself on our success.

“Very good,” I approved. “You can stop now.” When he didn’t, I impatiently laid my palms on his, expecting my ice crystals to extinguish the heat right away. Instead, the blazes grew stronger and I gasped, feeling warmth for the first time in my life. It was… strangely addicting. I was paralyzed by the brand new sensation. The frost in my hands were melting into warm water, but I scarcely noticed it.

We stared at each other; the two of us in harmony for a few seconds that seemed infinite. What was this unfamiliar warmth in my hands and my bones? But before I could say anything, the heat suddenly dissipated and my palms were freezing cold again. I stepped back, feeling the frostiness return to my eyes.

“That is all for today.”

“Wait.” He placed a hand on my arm, and I froze, aware of the tantalizing warmth that beckoned to me. “I don’t even know your name.”

Stiffening, I shook his hand off and faced him. “That is the point of it all,” I replied, my voice hard.

“Point of what?” he asked desperately, but I flung a non-deadly icicle at his leg and disappeared into the fog as I had been trained to. He asked too many questions. I’d have to be careful.


  (to be continued ;)


what do you guys think? I haven’t written a short story in so long; it feels so amazing! I hope to post the second part soon <3 thank you all for sticking with me.




I think one of the saddest truths of life is that we will meet people who will set our souls on fire,

people who bring color to the grey world,

people who see and admire all the constellations and galaxies tucked inside of you,

and yet, they are not the ones we will spend the rest of our lives with.

– not the one./3.09.18

her chaos.

it was her chaos that made her so beautiful.

it was the way her eyes said more than her tongue did,

the way she danced across the kitchen floor in my arms at 5 am.

it was the way she laughed, the way she cried, the way her smile electrified my bones to the core.

she so immensely, imperfectly beautiful,

and how I wish I had realized it before it was too late.

–  not soon enough./3.10.18


Our days were filled with Chinese takeout, reading poetry together on the couch, and laughing and dancing in flower-filled gardens. We claimed we were “just friends” as we clumsily fed each other noodles with our chopsticks; as our hands brushed far too many times to be “accidents;” as our faces came too close on hot summer nights. And as we lay together in the back of his truck, counting millions of stars, I thought about how our love was just like those twinkling lights – so close, but yet, so far.

– almost. /2.5.18

heart travelers.


A flock of birds soared effortlessly through the sky, and the girl tilted her head back, staring.

“Sometimes I wish I could be like them,” she said dreamily. “To fly wherever I wanted and never be in one place twice.”

The boy next to her laughed. “Wouldn’t that get old after awhile?”

She turned to him, a pained smile crossing her face. “Our hearts were never meant to stay in one place.”

– wanderers./1.28.18

8.36 pm

Most people compare eyes to sparkling constellations or quiet waves.

But those eyes?
Those eyes were a book that was filled with endless chapters. To most people, the cover was always slammed shut behind hazel/cerulean masks. But I had the immense privilege of reading those chapters until I understood everything that had been written, even those unspoken words hidden between the inscribed lines.

Yes, his eyes were a book. A portal to another world I’d never known. But one day, while wandering in that world, the words on the pages faded away. The portal suddenly closed.  And I, I was stuck forever on the other side.


– his eyes were a library full of secrets // 8.36 pm

5.36 pm

chorale trip:

music-filled folders rustle.

water is frantically gulped down as the concert time nears.

the itchy and uncomfortable uniforms are put on.

choir trip:

It’s filled with seasons of suddenly dry throats, frustrating practices, and exhausted voices.

But, it’s also filled with fun, laughter, and so many memories. You learn to depend completely on God, because you know that you cannot sound good of your own self. You know you cannot sing or play the right notes of your own talents. And you learn to pray with genuine intensity.

Choir trips are a trusting experience, where you learn to depend, rely, and count on God.


I stared, dumbstruck, at the girl I’d known all my life.

See, that would have been a perfectly normal occurrence – she was always surprising me with her little quirks. But this?

Only animals’ eyes are supposed to glow at night.

“I see you’ve discovered my secret,” she sighed, rising from where she knelt on the mossy forest floor.

I swallowed. Words buzzed in my throat, but I couldn’t speak.

Her auburn hair fell dreamily around her shoulders as she tilted her head. Her eyes, which I’ve always known as a warm chocolate brown, now gleamed a fiery, intense scarlet. She took a slow, calculated step forward.

“Why are you out here?” the words sprung from my mouth. “In the forest? At midnight?”

“Why did you follow me?” She snapped back angrily.

“Because I was worried, Raina! You’ve been acting strange for the past month and I wanted to find out the reason why! And obviously,” I gestured frustratedly, “something IS wrong.”

Her eyes dimmed for a minute to a flushed coral. “You weren’t supposed to find out.”

“Well I did. So there.”

Silence hung between us for a few seconds. I watched her carefully. She seemed to be off her guard; I could see that she was battling in her mind. I took my chance, and stepped towards her.

“Raina….” I paused on the familiar name. “I can help you.”

It all happened so fast. As quick as the night, she drew a glimmering piece of sharpened metal from her side and grabbed my arm.

“No one can help me,” she whispered into my ear.

One second of hesitation.

I felt sudden pain numbing my stomach.

And then, blackness.



there are too many words, too many unsent and unwritten texts dangling from my fingertips.

too many “what-ifs” and too many regrets

too many unsnatched opportunities

so many things I have to say, all tangled up in my mind

I do not know where to start.

5.03 pm



one of the worst feelings in the world is missing people. there’s nothing you can do about it – especially here. all you can do is let your heart ache as the sun rises again – yet another day to face without them by your side. it’s strange how tightly hearts can intertwine, and how suddenly it happens. all of a sudden, you feel as if you could not spend a single moment without them – they’re a part of you. now that I’m here, I feel the missing parts of me even more. they’re gone. they have been removed from my life; from me, and all I can do is miss them. some days, the holes in my chest threaten to suffocate me. the whole sky seems to be dark when it is filled with sunshine.

some days, or actually, most days, all I want is for them to be next to me. then everything would be all right. but the sun keeps rising, the earth keeps turning, and the moon always glows at night. I’ve come to realize that maybe, I’m always going to miss people. I’m always going to have missing parts of me. and I think, maybe, I will learn to live with that.

– i’ll always miss you/5.03 pm/10.14.17

This Time Tomorrow.

This time tomorrow will be my last night in my bed before embarking on a new chapter.

This time tomorrow, I’ll be looking at the stars and inhaling the crisp, familiar night air outside my big windows one last time.

This time tomorrow, my mind will be filled with anxious thoughts about the next day and what it will bring.

This time tomorrow, my heart will be terrified, excited, and unbearably sad all at once.

This time tomorrow, I’ll be lying wide awake in bed. Familiar smells, familiar shadows, familiar sounds. I’ll be thinking about how in just a few hours, everything will be different.

This time tomorrow, my suitcases will be packed and my room will be emptied and cleaned.

This time tomorrow, my stuffed kitty will be safely tucked in my bag, ready to continue to serve as my faithful companion.

This time tomorrow, I’ll most likely be crying. I mean, I’m crying right now. Leaving home and your family for a long time is something that’s new to me, and I don’t know how I’ll adjust. I’ll most likely be a miserable mess for a few weeks. 96% sure that’s going to happen. But leaving your comfort zone is an imperative part of growing up. It could be joining a club at school, trying out for the team, or even leaving home to go to school.


final thought:

This time yesterday, He was with me.

Right now, He is with me.

And this time tomorrow…He will be with me.




definitely going to miss you guys ): keep me in your prayers! while I’m gone, make sure to check out my sister’s blog! show her some love with a follow! love you all to pieces. xxx





hey guys! hope you all are doing well :) some of you may know that starting this sunday the 20th, I will not have access to my blog for about 2 months. I’m so sorry guysss but I promise you I’ll post when I get back. (hopefully I’ll post something before the 20th? keep your fingers crossed)

have a lovely rest of the summer!


with love,