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almost.

Our days were filled with Chinese takeout, reading poetry together on the couch, and laughing and dancing in flower-filled gardens. We claimed we were “just friends” as we clumsily fed each other noodles with our chopsticks; as our hands brushed far too many times to be “accidents;” as our faces came too close on hot summer nights. And as we lay together in the back of his truck, counting millions of stars, I thought about how our love was just like those twinkling lights – so close, but yet, so far.

– almost. /2.5.18

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priorities

“I loved too hard,” she whispered, burying her face in her trembling hands. her mother sighed and pulled her treasure close.

“But you loved, and that is all that matters.”

– priorities /1.28.18

 

heart travelers.

birds

A flock of birds soared effortlessly through the sky, and the girl tilted her head back, staring.

“Sometimes I wish I could be like them,” she said dreamily. “To fly wherever I wanted and never be in one place twice.”

The boy next to her laughed. “Wouldn’t that get old after awhile?”

She turned to him, a pained smile crossing her face. “Our hearts were never meant to stay in one place.”

– wanderers./1.28.18

8.36 pm

Most people compare eyes to sparkling constellations or quiet waves.

But those eyes?
Those eyes were a book that was filled with endless chapters. To most people, the cover was always slammed shut behind hazel/cerulean masks. But I had the immense privilege of reading those chapters until I understood everything that had been written, even those unspoken words hidden between the inscribed lines.

Yes, his eyes were a book. A portal to another world I’d never known. But one day, while wandering in that world, the words on the pages faded away. The portal suddenly closed.  And I, I was stuck forever on the other side.

 

– his eyes were a library full of secrets // 8.36 pm

5.36 pm

chorale trip:

music-filled folders rustle.

water is frantically gulped down as the concert time nears.

the itchy and uncomfortable uniforms are put on.

choir trip:

It’s filled with seasons of suddenly dry throats, frustrating practices, and exhausted voices.

But, it’s also filled with fun, laughter, and so many memories. You learn to depend completely on God, because you know that you cannot sound good of your own self. You know you cannot sing or play the right notes of your own talents. And you learn to pray with genuine intensity.

Choir trips are a trusting experience, where you learn to depend, rely, and count on God.

scarlet.

I stared, dumbstruck, at the girl I’d known all my life.

See, that would have been a perfectly normal occurrence – she was always surprising me with her little quirks. But this?

Only animals’ eyes are supposed to glow at night.

“I see you’ve discovered my secret,” she sighed, rising from where she knelt on the mossy forest floor.

I swallowed. Words buzzed in my throat, but I couldn’t speak.

Her auburn hair fell dreamily around her shoulders as she tilted her head. Her eyes, which I’ve always known as a warm chocolate brown, now gleamed a fiery, intense scarlet. She took a slow, calculated step forward.

“Why are you out here?” the words sprung from my mouth. “In the forest? At midnight?”

“Why did you follow me?” She snapped back angrily.

“Because I was worried, Raina! You’ve been acting strange for the past month and I wanted to find out the reason why! And obviously,” I gestured frustratedly, “something IS wrong.”

Her eyes dimmed for a minute to a flushed coral. “You weren’t supposed to find out.”

“Well I did. So there.”

Silence hung between us for a few seconds. I watched her carefully. She seemed to be off her guard; I could see that she was battling in her mind. I took my chance, and stepped towards her.

“Raina….” I paused on the familiar name. “I can help you.”

It all happened so fast. As quick as the night, she drew a glimmering piece of sharpened metal from her side and grabbed my arm.

“No one can help me,” she whispered into my ear.

One second of hesitation.

I felt sudden pain numbing my stomach.

And then, blackness.

 

11.11

there are too many words, too many unsent and unwritten texts dangling from my fingertips.

too many “what-ifs” and too many regrets

too many unsnatched opportunities

so many things I have to say, all tangled up in my mind

I do not know where to start.

5.03 pm

IMG_0177

 

one of the worst feelings in the world is missing people. there’s nothing you can do about it – especially here. all you can do is let your heart ache as the sun rises again – yet another day to face without them by your side. it’s strange how tightly hearts can intertwine, and how suddenly it happens. all of a sudden, you feel as if you could not spend a single moment without them – they’re a part of you. now that I’m here, I feel the missing parts of me even more. they’re gone. they have been removed from my life; from me, and all I can do is miss them. some days, the holes in my chest threaten to suffocate me. the whole sky seems to be dark when it is filled with sunshine.

some days, or actually, most days, all I want is for them to be next to me. then everything would be all right. but the sun keeps rising, the earth keeps turning, and the moon always glows at night. I’ve come to realize that maybe, I’m always going to miss people. I’m always going to have missing parts of me. and I think, maybe, I will learn to live with that.

– i’ll always miss you/5.03 pm/10.14.17

This Time Tomorrow.

This time tomorrow will be my last night in my bed before embarking on a new chapter.

This time tomorrow, I’ll be looking at the stars and inhaling the crisp, familiar night air outside my big windows one last time.

This time tomorrow, my mind will be filled with anxious thoughts about the next day and what it will bring.

This time tomorrow, my heart will be terrified, excited, and unbearably sad all at once.

This time tomorrow, I’ll be lying wide awake in bed. Familiar smells, familiar shadows, familiar sounds. I’ll be thinking about how in just a few hours, everything will be different.

This time tomorrow, my suitcases will be packed and my room will be emptied and cleaned.

This time tomorrow, my stuffed kitty will be safely tucked in my bag, ready to continue to serve as my faithful companion.

This time tomorrow, I’ll most likely be crying. I mean, I’m crying right now. Leaving home and your family for a long time is something that’s new to me, and I don’t know how I’ll adjust. I’ll most likely be a miserable mess for a few weeks. 96% sure that’s going to happen. But leaving your comfort zone is an imperative part of growing up. It could be joining a club at school, trying out for the team, or even leaving home to go to school.

 

final thought:

This time yesterday, He was with me.

Right now, He is with me.

And this time tomorrow…He will be with me.

 

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definitely going to miss you guys ): keep me in your prayers! while I’m gone, make sure to check out my sister’s blog! show her some love with a follow! love you all to pieces. xxx

 

 

 

announcement!

hey guys! hope you all are doing well :) some of you may know that starting this sunday the 20th, I will not have access to my blog for about 2 months. I’m so sorry guysss but I promise you I’ll post when I get back. (hopefully I’ll post something before the 20th? keep your fingers crossed)

have a lovely rest of the summer!

 

with love,

Faith

 

 

new music!

Playlist for August:

  1. Astrid S – Breathe (Lauv Remix)
  2. Astrid S – Such A Boy (Acoustic)
  3. Lauv – The Story Never Ends (Piano Version)
  4. Halsey – Sorry
  5. Camila Cabello – Havana (Audio) ft. Young Thug
  6. Sabrina Carpenter – Why (Official Lyric Video)
  7. Dua Lipa – New Rules (Official Music Video)
  8. Cheat Codes – No Promises ft. Demi Lovato [Official Video]
  9. Jonas Blue – Mama ft. William Singe
  10. Shawn Mendes – There’s Nothing Holdin’ Me Back

just a few of my faves this summer!!

11.35 am + 10.33 pm

Image result for tumblr latte

 

Read Part 1 here.

Her POV:

the silver bells on the door jingled as she tentatively entered the cozy cafe.

immediately, the creamy smell of coffee hit her face, and she inhaled appreciatively. small plants adorned the tables, and peaceful jazz music swirled around the room while people chattered softly over pastries and hot drinks.

yup. definitely ordering here today, she thought.

after surveying the delectable looking menu for several minutes and rehearsing her order in her head, the girl confidently walked up to the counter to order.

“Good morning,” she greeted the worker – but the words died as soon as they left her lips. it was him.

he was in front of her for the first time in years – his dark amber eyes sparkling like gemstones.

“And a good morning to you! What can I get you this morning?” he asked kindly, and she had to steady herself on the counter.

“I – I’ll have a large mocha cappuccino with extra whipped cream, please,” she stuttered, pasting a smile on.

Casually, he punched in the numbers. to him, she was probably just another customer on a busy morning. she seized the opportunity to look away and catch a few breaths.

you got this. be normal. casual. don’t give anything away. he obviously doesn’t recognize you; don’t say anything.

“That’ll be $4.57.” His voice interrupted her thoughts. Oh, she would give anything for that to happen everyday again.

“Oh. Right.” She flipped open her wallet.

“No, no, don’t worry. It’s on me.”

the girl raised her eyebrow and smiled gratefully.

“Thank you, I appreciate it…” she glanced at his name tag, desperate to appear nonchalant.

“Marcus.” she finished. “Do…do I know you?”

she couldn’t help herself. surely there was some memory of her tucked in there somewhere.

he took a few breaths, then looked me in the eyes. I trembled, both fearful and eager. my heart rose to my throat.

his smile was pained, and there was a brokenness in his voice.

“No. No, you don’t.”

 

 

 

 

 

PSA

a reminder that you have to appreciate your family.

i know you might laugh at your parents because they take 20 minutes to send one short text. maybe they don’t know how to change the brightness on their phones. maybe they say things that embarrass you in front of your friends. but love them anyways. they are the ones who have raised you through all your weird phases, encouraged you to go to school, and loved you. sometimes you may think that they are overprotective and boring, but they were once young and reckless like you. 10,15, 20 years down the road you will see the sparkle in their eyes start to fade, and their skin will no longer be as fresh. love them anyways. do little things for them without them asking you to – laundry, cleaning, cooking (as long as you don’t burn down the house). surprise them with gifts, and tell them you love them. tomorrow is not a given.

siblings. they are the worst but the best at the same time – lemons and sugar wrapped up in one package to make lemonade. do not forget that they are human beings just like you – treat them well, especially in front of your friends. do not exclude them from any parties or social gatherings, because when your friends leave you, they’re all you have left. years later, you will realize the cold, formal distance between the ones who should be tied to you with chords of love.

some of you may not have siblings or parents – but you have people who have been your family through thick and thin. treasure them.

we only have this life, and we should make the most of it so that we are a light and a blessing to all who come into our circle.

 

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feeling inspired. stay tuned for more posts.

10.03 pm

 

to the ones who are suffocating in their own sadness:

I know. I know the melancholy in your chest makes it hard to breathe. I know the night swallows you up in its darkness like a beast. I know the hollowness feels so heavy, but someday, flowers will fill that void and you will radiate happiness.

You will forget what it’s like to say “I’m okay” and smile up at the sun, begging it to evaporate the tear stains on your freckled cheeks.

Please learn to gently dust off the door to your heart. Please give that key to someone. I know, I know, I know you remember what they did last time you handed it over.

But you are not defined by your past, by your pain, or what has broken you. You are defined by what you believe and how you rise from your ashes. rise with me.

(compilation from thought catalog and astrology quotes)

 

 

I’m back, but I don’t know if it’s permanent. I’m still working on me…….it’s a work in progress. thank you for reading :)

 

 

 

Important Announcement

I’ve decided to do what’s best for me, and I’ll be taking a break from blogging for a while. I know that I haven’t even been active that much, but I won’t be posting at all.

I don’t know when I’ll be back…

Maybe next week, next month, or next year.

But in the meantime, take care of yourselves okay? you guys are the best.

 

much love,

Faith.