5.03 pm



one of the worst feelings in the world is missing people. there’s nothing you can do about it – especially here. all you can do is let your heart ache as the sun rises again – yet another day to face without them by your side. it’s strange how tightly hearts can intertwine, and how suddenly it happens. all of a sudden, you feel as if you could not spend a single moment without them – they’re a part of you. now that I’m here, I feel the missing parts of me even more. they’re gone. they have been removed from my life; from me, and all I can do is miss them. some days, the holes in my chest threaten to suffocate me. the whole sky seems to be dark when it is filled with sunshine.

some days, or actually, most days, all I want is for them to be next to me. then everything would be all right. but the sun keeps rising, the earth keeps turning, and the moon always glows at night. I’ve come to realize that maybe, I’m always going to miss people. I’m always going to have missing parts of me. and I think, maybe, I will learn to live with that.

– i’ll always miss you/5.03 pm/10.14.17


This Time Tomorrow.

This time tomorrow will be my last night in my bed before embarking on a new chapter.

This time tomorrow, I’ll be looking at the stars and inhaling the crisp, familiar night air outside my big windows one last time.

This time tomorrow, my mind will be filled with anxious thoughts about the next day and what it will bring.

This time tomorrow, my heart will be terrified, excited, and unbearably sad all at once.

This time tomorrow, I’ll be lying wide awake in bed. Familiar smells, familiar shadows, familiar sounds. I’ll be thinking about how in just a few hours, everything will be different.

This time tomorrow, my suitcases will be packed and my room will be emptied and cleaned.

This time tomorrow, my stuffed kitty will be safely tucked in my bag, ready to continue to serve as my faithful companion.

This time tomorrow, I’ll most likely be crying. I mean, I’m crying right now. Leaving home and your family for a long time is something that’s new to me, and I don’t know how I’ll adjust. I’ll most likely be a miserable mess for a few weeks. 96% sure that’s going to happen. But leaving your comfort zone is an imperative part of growing up. It could be joining a club at school, trying out for the team, or even leaving home to go to school.


final thought:

This time yesterday, He was with me.

Right now, He is with me.

And this time tomorrow…He will be with me.




definitely going to miss you guys ): keep me in your prayers! while I’m gone, make sure to check out my sister’s blog! show her some love with a follow! love you all to pieces. xxx





hey guys! hope you all are doing well :) some of you may know that starting this sunday the 20th, I will not have access to my blog for about 2 months. I’m so sorry guysss but I promise you I’ll post when I get back. (hopefully I’ll post something before the 20th? keep your fingers crossed)

have a lovely rest of the summer!


with love,




new music!

Playlist for August:

  1. Astrid S – Breathe (Lauv Remix)
  2. Astrid S – Such A Boy (Acoustic)
  3. Lauv – The Story Never Ends (Piano Version)
  4. Halsey – Sorry
  5. Camila Cabello – Havana (Audio) ft. Young Thug
  6. Sabrina Carpenter – Why (Official Lyric Video)
  7. Dua Lipa – New Rules (Official Music Video)
  8. Cheat Codes – No Promises ft. Demi Lovato [Official Video]
  9. Jonas Blue – Mama ft. William Singe
  10. Shawn Mendes – There’s Nothing Holdin’ Me Back

just a few of my faves this summer!!

11.35 am + 10.33 pm

Image result for tumblr latte


Read Part 1 here.

Her POV:

the silver bells on the door jingled as she tentatively entered the cozy cafe.

immediately, the creamy smell of coffee hit her face, and she inhaled appreciatively. small plants adorned the tables, and peaceful jazz music swirled around the room while people chattered softly over pastries and hot drinks.

yup. definitely ordering here today, she thought.

after surveying the delectable looking menu for several minutes and rehearsing her order in her head, the girl confidently walked up to the counter to order.

“Good morning,” she greeted the worker – but the words died as soon as they left her lips. it was him.

he was in front of her for the first time in years – his dark amber eyes sparkling like gemstones.

“And a good morning to you! What can I get you this morning?” he asked kindly, and she had to steady herself on the counter.

“I – I’ll have a large mocha cappuccino with extra whipped cream, please,” she stuttered, pasting a smile on.

Casually, he punched in the numbers. to him, she was probably just another customer on a busy morning. she seized the opportunity to look away and catch a few breaths.

you got this. be normal. casual. don’t give anything away. he obviously doesn’t recognize you; don’t say anything.

“That’ll be $4.57.” His voice interrupted her thoughts. Oh, she would give anything for that to happen everyday again.

“Oh. Right.” She flipped open her wallet.

“No, no, don’t worry. It’s on me.”

the girl raised her eyebrow and smiled gratefully.

“Thank you, I appreciate it…” she glanced at his name tag, desperate to appear nonchalant.

“Marcus.” she finished. “Do…do I know you?”

she couldn’t help herself. surely there was some memory of her tucked in there somewhere.

he took a few breaths, then looked me in the eyes. I trembled, both fearful and eager. my heart rose to my throat.

his smile was pained, and there was a brokenness in his voice.

“No. No, you don’t.”







a reminder that you have to appreciate your family.

i know you might laugh at your parents because they take 20 minutes to send one short text. maybe they don’t know how to change the brightness on their phones. maybe they say things that embarrass you in front of your friends. but love them anyways. they are the ones who have raised you through all your weird phases, encouraged you to go to school, and loved you. sometimes you may think that they are overprotective and boring, but they were once young and reckless like you. 10,15, 20 years down the road you will see the sparkle in their eyes start to fade, and their skin will no longer be as fresh. love them anyways. do little things for them without them asking you to – laundry, cleaning, cooking (as long as you don’t burn down the house). surprise them with gifts, and tell them you love them. tomorrow is not a given.

siblings. they are the worst but the best at the same time – lemons and sugar wrapped up in one package to make lemonade. do not forget that they are human beings just like you – treat them well, especially in front of your friends. do not exclude them from any parties or social gatherings, because when your friends leave you, they’re all you have left. years later, you will realize the cold, formal distance between the ones who should be tied to you with chords of love.

some of you may not have siblings or parents – but you have people who have been your family through thick and thin. treasure them.

we only have this life, and we should make the most of it so that we are a light and a blessing to all who come into our circle.




feeling inspired. stay tuned for more posts.

10.03 pm


to the ones who are suffocating in their own sadness:

I know. I know the melancholy in your chest makes it hard to breathe. I know the night swallows you up in its darkness like a beast. I know the hollowness feels so heavy, but someday, flowers will fill that void and you will radiate happiness.

You will forget what it’s like to say “I’m okay” and smile up at the sun, begging it to evaporate the tear stains on your freckled cheeks.

Please learn to gently dust off the door to your heart. Please give that key to someone. I know, I know, I know you remember what they did last time you handed it over.

But you are not defined by your past, by your pain, or what has broken you. You are defined by what you believe and how you rise from your ashes. rise with me.

(compilation from thought catalog and astrology quotes)



I’m back, but I don’t know if it’s permanent. I’m still working on me…….it’s a work in progress. thank you for reading :)




Important Announcement

I’ve decided to do what’s best for me, and I’ll be taking a break from blogging for a while. I know that I haven’t even been active that much, but I won’t be posting at all.

I don’t know when I’ll be back…

Maybe next week, next month, or next year.

But in the meantime, take care of yourselves okay? you guys are the best.


much love,



Remember the girl you were before you met him.

Remember her, with the smiles and grace and funny stories that didn’t involve him.

Remember her, the girl with the strength to get over anything.

Remember the nights when you didn’t overthink every text he sent until you drove yourself mad.

Remember the days when there was no ache in your chest, suffocating you with every breath.

Remember the carefree girl, the one with sparkling eyes and flushed cheeks who danced her way through life, no matter how hard it was.

Channel her.

Bring her back.

She deserves resurrection.


(inspired by Nikita Gill)


last words: 9.48 pm

there was too much blood. I attempted to lift my head, then gave up immediately when a piercing pain sliced through my chest. my mind spun, trying its best to calculate as the thick haze of death began to settle in. at most, I probably had only 5 minutes left.

a few seconds passed as I lay bleeding on the dirt. I closed my eyes, then suddenly reopened them. a single thought flashed through my brain over and over.

“Caroline…Caroline..” I muttered weakly, fumbling in my torn pocket for my phone. Speed-dialing her number, I prayed that she would pick up.

“Rowan!” her familiar gentle voice rang out.

“Caroline,” I sighed, relieved. “How are you?”

“I’m fine, love….how are you?”

Grimacing, I answered, “I’ve been better. How was your day?”

I could almost see her dark green eyes shining as she spoke wistfully. “The usual. I miss you – when am I going to see you again?”

the pain sharpened. I tried my best to stifle a groan, but it slipped out.

“Honey? Are you alright?”

“Yeah. Yeah. Hey, listen.” I spoke urgently, knowing my time was soon drawing to a close.


deep breaths.

“I love you,” I whispered, as the agony grew stronger with every moment.

her voice faltered for a second. “Rowan? Are you-”

I cut her off. “I love you so much, Caroline Davis. I just want you to know that no matter what, I will always love you.” tears began dripping onto my cheeks.

I fought for breath. Just a few more seconds.

her smile leaked into her voice. “I love you more, Rowan Cooper.”

I savored each syllable, for it would be the last time I would ever hear those words.

“I love you the most.”


those were my last words.









11.35 am

Image result for tumblr pic of coffee

“Good morning, what can I get you today?” he smiled at their first customer that morning. the customer rattled off their order while he punched in the numbers and got to work brewing the coffee.

the rich and cozy smell filled the air inside the cute little coffee shop as sunlight and people streamed in.

“Don’t forget to add the cream before you mix,” he told a newer worker kindly. she nodded gratefully, and he returned to his post at the cash register, busily working on some supply forms. a pair of heels clicking up the line announced the arrival of another customer. he looked up, immediately pasting a smile on his face – and froze.

she was standing before him, in real life, with color in her cheeks and sparkles in her sea green eyes. the days when he had run his fingers through her auburn hair suddenly seemed like yesterday instead of years ago.

“Um…uh…what can I…uh get you this morning?” he stuttered.

she smiled, and he felt his knees go weak. “I’ll have a large mocha cappuccino with extra whipped cream, please,” she requested in her soft voice. he swallowed, remembering the nights when that smooth voice in his ear was all he’d ever wanted.

with trembling fingers, he punched in the digits and looked up. “That’ll be $4.57, but don’t worry, it’s on me.”

she raised an eyebrow, giving him a grateful smile. “Oh thank you….” she glanced at his name tag. “Marcus.” she frowned, a confused expression flitting across her face. “Do I know you?”

his heart jumped into his throat. he swallowed several times, willing the painful ache in his chest to disappear. a few seconds hung in the air, waiting. he exhaled.

“No,” he smiled sadly. “No, you don’t.”



~ a bit of a sad post, haha – let me know what you guys think down below in the comments <3

10.35 pm

she never sits alone. she is surrounded with smiles and laughter.

and yet, why does this feeling consume her?

it sits

in her heart

like a rock.

like an anchor – but not the kind that keeps her

grounded and safe.

it is the kind that drags her down




it’s suffocating.

but how can she feel alone? you ask.

how can she feel worthless when she has virtually everything?

how can she feel unloved when that boy with eyes the color of melted chocolate stands by her, whispering sweet nothings?

it is simple.

her pain is not your own.

her sadness is not your own.

you have not felt the depths of her despair,

you have not seen her crying out in agony

when even breathing is too difficult of a task.

it sounds selfish, but it is true. her pain is beyond your understanding.


over and over, she tells herself:

next time, she will not minimize her feelings.

next time, she will no longer push her opinions to the backseat.

next time, she whispers, she will realize that she is the



who can



9.53 pm

it is a perfect day. a group of friends gather around one laughing girl whose eyes shine like the sun. her smile never stops. her feet dance endlessly. she walks like a fairy, in a whimsical dreamlike state. her name floats on everyone’s tongue, her deep blue eyes and smile are fresh in everyone’s mind.

but wait. let us look a little closer.

on her smiling face, faint tear stains glow. her hair is not tangled from skipping merrily in the breeze, it is tangled from a night’s worth of hopelessly tossing to and fro in the sheets. and her eyes. the most deceiving of them all. inside those pools of shimmering turquoise, they speak volumes. they are:




in pain

begging for help






struggling for breath —-

a breath

of sincerity.

a breath

of true friendship and not

meaningless jokes and chatter.

they speak feelings so eloquent and beautiful and genuine. but rarely does anyone take note of the sadness glimmering quietly behind the pretty blue eyes that they focus on.

because she’s smiling, isn’t she? and that’s all that matters.

The Mist



The mist shrouded the girl as she silently inched her way down the snow covered path. A mask stretched across her face, allowing only her piercing eyes to be seen, while her slender figure was sheathed entirely in black. The sound of the whistling wind snaked through the canyon, blanketing the terrain in an eerie atmosphere.

“Almost…there…” she whispered to herself, struggling to move forward. Her shaking fingers crept to the willow basket hanging on her arm, almost empty and without the abundance of food that her aunt had packed 5 days prior. Unfortunately, the empty basket wasn’t the only reminder of her lack of food – her stomach had been aching from hunger for hours.

She was on this journey. Alone. The forest through which she traveled was rumored to be thick with thieves and evil men. The frail-looking girl brushed these fearful thoughts from her mind with a shake of her hooded head. What was waiting in store for her was most assuredly worth trampling through the thick snow, sleeping on the cold ground, and running from –

A faint rustle shook the nearby bushes, reaching her finely tuned ear. She whirled around, her dark clothes swirling in the frigid air. Her numb fingers crept to her sword as she called out, “Who’s there?”

A deep voice snarled back, “Your worst nightmare.” Suddenly, two men in black leaped out from the bushes. Light gleamed on their swords; their blades aimed directly at the petite girl. this will be easy, they thought. But to their surprise, a large blade was unsheathed in the blink of an eye, and somehow that frail girl was wielding it. One of the men cried out as she knocked his sword from his hands, grabbed it, then unhesitatingly drove his own sword into his leg. The girl’s dark hair flew through the air as she spun, and with a right hook, her other attacker was out cold.

She yanked down her mask, her breath warming the air as she panted, recovering from the exertion. Bending down, she picked up the men’s swords & examined the hilts.

“Just as I expected,” she muttered, seeing the royal coat of arms engraved into the silver. With a sigh, she sheathed her own blade. A peculiar heaviness settled into her heart as she turned to face the path once more.

“Tell my father I said hello,” she whispered to the unconscious guards. Then, without so much as a sound, her figure slipped back into the foreboding mist.



muahahah plot twist – she’s a member of the royal family! why is she running away? what is she journeying after? and if she’s a princess, where did she learn how to wield a sword? idk if I’ll be continuing this one, so I hope you enjoyed reading :)

mariposa – 7.06 pm


Many quotes have been written on the concept of a caterpillar turning into a butterfly.

“Everything will work out more beautifully than you can imagine,” they say, nodding knowingly at the miraculous transformation. One of nature’s finest works.

“You may be a caterpillar now, but someday you will be a beautiful butterfly.”

Someday. Someday. Someday….

We often romanticize the thought that everything is going to be okay – we simply recognize the beginning and the end, without giving thought to the middle.

Everyone fantasizes about turning into a butterfly, but very few realize that we have failed to take note of the most important part: the transformation within the chrysalis.

While the caterpillar is in the chrysalis, its body begins to break down and dissolve. All the organs that sustain the little caterpillar disappear. They are turned into liquid, and the caterpillar becomes no more than a helpless puddle.

Similarly, on our journey, we will be broken down. We will be dissolved into anxiety, constant fear and insecurities, and shattered dreams. Seemingly everyone that had ever given us hope will fade away, leaving us helpless and hopeless. The transformation itself is not a concept to be taken lightly.

After the caterpillar is turned into a puddle of liquids, it starts to rebuild itself. Slowly but surely, antennae and wings form perfectly, barely visible through the glistening chrysalis. In the same way, we need to rebuild from our ashes. We need to create a new outlook on life, a new love for others, a new patience.

But, as the caterpillar finally emerges from its chrysalis in the form of the butterfly, its struggles aren’t over. Adjusting into its new life isn’t easy – they have to patiently wait for their wings to unfold.

Just like the newly formed butterfly, we must be patient with ourselves. Don’t rush yourself, because if you do, you will find yourself back at square one. And eventually, as you become stronger, you’ll see your glorious, sun dazzled wings rising above you.

So be patient. Wait a little longer. Trust a little more. You may be a helpless puddle of brokenness right now, but I promise you that everything will not only be “okay” in the end, it will be better than you could ever have imagined.

remember, it is the journey, not the destination.