last words: 9.48 pm

there was too much blood. I attempted to lift my head, then gave up immediately when a piercing pain sliced through my chest. my mind spun, trying its best to calculate as the thick haze of death began to settle in. at most, I probably had only 5 minutes left.

a few seconds passed as I lay bleeding on the dirt. I closed my eyes, then suddenly reopened them. a single thought flashed through my brain over and over.

“Caroline…Caroline..” I muttered weakly, fumbling in my torn pocket for my phone. Speed-dialing her number, I prayed that she would pick up.

“Rowan!” her familiar gentle voice rang out.

“Caroline,” I sighed, relieved. “How are you?”

“I’m fine, love….how are you?”

Grimacing, I answered, “I’ve been better. How was your day?”

I could almost see her dark green eyes shining as she spoke wistfully. “The usual. I miss you – when am I going to see you again?”

the pain sharpened. I tried my best to stifle a groan, but it slipped out.

“Honey? Are you alright?”

“Yeah. Yeah. Hey, listen.” I spoke urgently, knowing my time was soon drawing to a close.

“Okay?”

deep breaths.

“I love you,” I whispered, as the agony grew stronger with every moment.

her voice faltered for a second. “Rowan? Are you-”

I cut her off. “I love you so much, Caroline Davis. I just want you to know that no matter what, I will always love you.” tears began dripping onto my cheeks.

I fought for breath. Just a few more seconds.

her smile leaked into her voice. “I love you more, Rowan Cooper.”

I savored each syllable, for it would be the last time I would ever hear those words.

“I love you the most.”

 

those were my last words.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

11.35 am

“Good morning, what can I get you today?” he smiled at their first customer that morning. the customer rattled off their order while he punched in the numbers and got to work brewing the coffee.

the rich and cozy smell filled the air inside the cute little coffee shop as sunlight and people streamed in.

“Don’t forget to add the cream before you mix,” he told a newer worker kindly. she nodded gratefully, and he returned to his post at the cash register, busily working on some supply forms. a pair of heels clicking up the line announced the arrival of another customer. he looked up, immediately pasting a smile on his face – and froze.

she was standing before him, in real life, with color in her cheeks and sparkles in her sea green eyes. the days when he had run his fingers through her auburn hair suddenly seemed like yesterday instead of years ago.

“Um…uh…what can I…uh get you this morning?” he stuttered.

she smiled, and he felt his knees go weak. “I’ll have a large mocha cappuccino with extra whipped cream, please,” she requested in her soft voice. he swallowed, remembering the nights when that smooth voice in his ear was all he’d ever wanted.

with trembling fingers, he punched in the digits and looked up. “That’ll be $4.57, but don’t worry, it’s on me.”

she raised an eyebrow, giving him a grateful smile. “Oh thank you….” she glanced at his name tag. “Marcus.” she frowned, a confused expression flitting across her face. “Do I know you?”

his heart jumped into his throat. he swallowed several times, willing the painful ache in his chest to disappear. a few seconds hung in the air, waiting. he exhaled.

“No,” he smiled sadly. “No, you don’t.”

 

 

~ a bit of a sad post, haha – let me know what you guys think down below in the comments <3

mariposa – 7.06 pm

Many quotes have been written on the concept of a caterpillar turning into a butterfly.

“Everything will work out more beautifully than you can imagine,” they say, nodding knowingly at the miraculous transformation. One of nature’s finest works.

“You may be a caterpillar now, but someday you will be a beautiful butterfly.”

Someday. Someday. Someday….

We often romanticize the thought that everything is going to be okay – we simply recognize the beginning and the end, without giving thought to the middle.

Everyone fantasizes about turning into a butterfly, but very few realize that we have failed to take note of the most important part: the transformation within the chrysalis.

While the caterpillar is in the chrysalis, its body begins to break down and dissolve. All the organs that sustain the little caterpillar disappear. They are turned into liquid, and the caterpillar becomes no more than a helpless puddle.

Similarly, on our journey, we will be broken down. We will be dissolved into anxiety, constant fear and insecurities, and shattered dreams. Seemingly everyone that had ever given us hope will fade away, leaving us helpless and hopeless. The transformation itself is not a concept to be taken lightly.

After the caterpillar is turned into a puddle of liquids, it starts to rebuild itself. Slowly but surely, antennae and wings form perfectly, barely visible through the glistening chrysalis. In the same way, we need to rebuild from our ashes. We need to create a new outlook on life, a new love for others, a new patience.

But, as the caterpillar finally emerges from its chrysalis in the form of the butterfly, its struggles aren’t over. Adjusting into its new life isn’t easy – they have to patiently wait for their wings to unfold.

Just like the newly formed butterfly, we must be patient with ourselves. Don’t rush yourself, because if you do, you will find yourself back at square one. And eventually, as you become stronger, you’ll see your glorious, sun dazzled wings rising above you.

So be patient. Wait a little longer. Trust a little more. You may be a helpless puddle of brokenness right now, but I promise you that everything will not only be “okay” in the end, it will be better than you could ever have imagined.

remember, it is the journey, not the destination.

Winter is Coming…

what to do? well, here I’ve kindly compiled a list of fun winter activities to do with your family and friends :) enjoy!

1. Drive around the neighborhood or the city and look at the Christmas lights while blasting the Christmas playlist (one of my favorites) For extra brownie points, do it while dressed in your Christmas onesies or pajamas ;)

 

2. Go ice skating! It doesn’t matter if you spend 95% of the time skating around on your behind…the fun time you’ll have will be worth it ;)

 

3. Gather some of your friends and spend the day baking treats ^^ you’ll most likely end up having a flour fight but it’s all about the memories right? Plus, you can sit around a toasty warm fire and enjoy your treats afterwards!

 

4. This one is super cozy & fun: build a fort out of pillows, blankets, chairs – whatever you can find! It’s lots of fun deciding among yourselves how you want the fort to look – you might even have a pillow fight along the way :3  For a tumblr touch – hang fairy lights around the inside of the fort and admire your work ^.^

 

5. Build and decorate gingerbread houses together! *cough* I have had a terrible experience with gingerbread houses where the icing got everywhere and nothing stuck together. The end result barely even looked like a gingerbread house, but DON’T LET THAT DISCOURAGE YOU! Just…don’t eat too much candy ;)

 

 

6. Finally, make delicious s’mores together around a flickering fire. You’ll have a fabulous time eating the gooey confections and talking and laughing.

well, that’s it for now! maybe next time I’ll be back with gift ideas? stick around and you’ll find out ;)

8.07 pm

he stared at the worn, loved journal. breathless. he knew the girl whom it belonged to, but he gingerly lifted its leather cover anyways. his eyes fell on the first page, covered in familiar, neat handwriting. swallowing, he began to read the words.

“I miss you.

There’s no other way to put it.

I miss you from the bottom of my heart, and with all of my broken pieces. I miss you so much and so intensely that it feels as if the sky caved in on me and drenched me with all of its glittering stars. I miss your soft eyes, your soothing voice, and your strong arms as they embraced me. You didn’t know it, but when you held me, you held my whole world together. I knew falling in love with you, of all people, was a dangerous risk. But you hugged me so tightly that all my broken pieces stuck back together. You loved me so fiercely until all I saw was you; all I thought of was…

You.

And now, watching you look at her the way you looked at me. It feels as if the wispy, gray clouds have enveloped me in their haze of sadness. No, not sadness. What I feel is more than sadness. It’s as if the sun has refused to shine, and the moon no longer illuminates the velvety darkness of the still night. It’s like living life without laughter; living in a world without color.

  I don’t want to miss you. But I do. Not missing you is as impossible as breathing without air. It’s a feeling that is always present, no matter how occupied I am.

  So if you ever read this, I hope you know how much and how deeply I loved you, and still do. I miss you, and it cuts me to know that you aren’t missing me back.”

– november 2016 / 8:07 pm.

the boy let out a shuddering sigh, laid the journal down, and looked at the gravestone with the familiar name etched onto it.

  “I miss you too…” he whispered. “But now it’s too late.”

Day 21: Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

“Mer, hi!” Sarah flashed her dazzling white smile at me, and I smiled back.

“Hey! It was great meeting you this weekend at the camp-out. Hope to see you again sometime.” I leaned forward, embracing her for a quick moment.

“Absolutely. You have my number, right?” She pointed at my phone, and I nodded.

“I’ll definitely hit you up.”

“Great. My parents are calling, I gotta go. Bye!” She waved and jumped inside her white car.

“Bye!” I called lightheartedly, waving as the vehicle sped away.

 

---

 

There were a lot of things I wanted to say. Millions of memories raced through my mind as his dark green eyes melted into my dark brown ones. Memories from the past 17 years as best friends slowly spilled out of my eyes and onto my cheeks. I stood next to the pile of suitcases, my hands trembling in my jacket pockets as the hum and bustle of the airport swirled around us two. Neither of us paid attention to it.

“Mer,” he murmured slowly, then reached out, gently wiped the memories from my face, and pulled me close. I blinked back my tears and tried the memorize the familiar clean scent of his clothes.

“Don’t go,” I mumbled into his jacket. The one that I’d bought him last Christmas. The one he wore practically every day. “Don’t go to some university in some other state and leave me here.” His arms tightened around me and an audible sigh escaped him.

“You know I have to, Mer. It’s not my choice. My parents want me to do this. I’d never leave you out of my own will.” I felt his strong hands rub soothing circles in my back, trying to suppress my ragged breathing.

A few minutes passed with the two of us holding each other in the middle of the airport. I was aware of the stares and whispers, but none of it mattered. Only he mattered.

“Make me proud, Mer. Promise me you’ll make me proud.”

I promised.

Half an hour later, I watched him walk into the airplane. Bracing myself, I saw his tall, fit figure turn and wave at me. I saw the pain in his eyes. I waved back, trying to be strong for his sake.

“Goodbye,” I whispered.

and the memories flooded out of my eyes once more.

 

*sorry if this was more of a sad post, but it fit the prompt *shrugs* I wrote it in first person so you, dear reader, could experience what the main character was feeling. let me know what you think! don’t be afraid to criticize :)

Day 19: A Trip to LA

ayye your girl Faith went to the LA County Fair yesterday with some of her friends :D Here are some pics of the adventure!

aesthetic

the barn ;3

 the yogurt was pretty good.

Day 17: 7 Things To Do When You’re Feeling Nostalgic

1. Take a walk in nature.
2. Watch the sunset – there’s something captivating about watching a fiery golden ball throw purple, pink, and orange hues across the indigo skies.
3. Look at old photographs – this is one of my absolute favorites and always transports me back in time.
4.  Read an old entry in a journal or a diary.
5.  Go on a long drive with that nostalgic playlist going.
6. Read a book in a quiet, little cozy corner of your house that’s preferably naturally lit.
7. Take a warm shower.

I hope you’ll find these tips useful :D

 

inspired by Free People’s blog

Day 10: My Favorite Quote(s)

 

“you can make or break the chains that hold you.”

“Bless this mess.”

“be fearless in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire.”

“and though she be but little, she is fierce.” – Shakespeare

“think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy” – Anne Frank

“The more you care, the more you have to lose.” – HP

“and I think I’m gonna love you for a long long time” – my heart

“All that we are is the result of what we have thought.”

Day 7: My Biggest Regret(s). Real Talk.

I’ve waited too long to make some decisions. Been too scared to take the risks and jump. Underestimated His power.

Maybe I’ve been too stressed about school, you know? Sometimes I look back and regret not placing my trust in Him.

Maybe…maybe I’ve waited too long to forgive people. There are the ones who deserve it the least, but at the same time deserve all of it because He has forgiven me first.

It’s quite possible that I’ve let other people influence me in negative ways: forcing me to mask my personality, change my interests, even mold the way I act into someone that’s not me.

And perhaps I’ve been too afraid to try new things and step out of my comfort zone. I wonder, how many amazing adventures have I missed out on simply because I’ve been too scared of what risks may be involved?

The most important thing is that everyone makes mistakes. We all have flaws; we all are human. Even if you or I make mistakes….

We can make or break the chains that hold us.

Bottom line: Do everything, regret nothing.

💕

Day 6: 6 Current Goals

1. That others would see Him in me.
2. Start journaling more
3. Be a blessing to those around me.
4. Run at least 3 times every week and enter a 10k. Who knows, maybe I’ll run a marathon someday?
5. Study harder and graduate.
6. Reach out to you guys more :)

 

Day 5: My Dream Job

My goal is to create a life I don’t need a vacation from.

Dream Job:

I’d love to spend my life helping others. That’s the highest, purest form of human happiness isn’t it?

I’ve always loved the medical field – the thought of helping to change other people’s lives in little and big ways has always thrilled me. Recently this year, I had an opportunity to volunteer at a three day, free health clinic that was held in Los Angeles. It was amazing to see how many different kinds of people needed help and to see how desperately they needed it! Definitely one of my most favorite memories ever.

So there’s my dream job – kind of obscure, but at least I have an idea lol.

I want to witness for God by helping to change other people’s lives in the medical field :D If that doesn’t work out, I pray that I’m willing to follow His plan for me.

<3

Storytime: It was a dark, stormy afternoon…

The Friday afternoon had started just like the past four days at camp had – with warm, golden sunshine, the bluest skies, and glassy waters. About 15 of us had jumped into our respective canoes and started the 1 mile long voyage across the river to enjoy the afternoon.

But on the way back, trouble hit.

Hard.

    Heavy, gray clouds soon covered the sapphire sky, mercilessly raining on us as we dragged our canoes into the water and clambered in. Sydney, Summer, and I strained at the paddles, but by the time we were halfway across, our muscles were already exhausted from 4 straight days of canoeing.

 

“I need to take a break,” panted Sydney, laying down her paddle and slumping over on the seat. Summer and I agreed. Our canoe began to float aimlessly across the seemingly calm waters. In a few seconds, they were forming into threatening-looking waves. I screamed as one wave hit, causing the canoe to tip dangerously to one side.
“Paddle left!” ordered Summer. Sydney and I hurried to obey, but it wasn’t long before she yelled, “Paddle right!” Suddenly, a rumble of thunder vibrated through the heavy clouds, closely followed by a streak of burning lightning. The rain that had been pelting us this entire time instantly hardened into icy balls.

I ducked instinctively, shouting, “HAIL!” The waves responded by rocking our canoe even harder. The three of us desperately prayed for God to save us as our little canoe bounced about on the waves, but I was ready to just lay down in the canoe and let the waves pound us.

We were helpless. Stuck in a storm with seemingly no way out. In the middle of paddling, I realized that this was the same situation with our daily lives. We are all fighting our personal storms – full of rain, thunder, and lightning. Sometimes we want to give up. None of us can ever make it through the tempest, unless we give Him permission to take control.

And at that moment, the waves stilled, the hail stopped, and comforting sunlight illuminated the once again peaceful (The three of us were screaming with gratitude and joy) lake.

tbh, we can’t fight our battles by ourselves – that’s basically pointless. Enlist His help, and then watch the miracles unfold in your life.

by the way, I kissed the flowers out of happiness to be back on terra firma again :P

Summer Adventuring – Mermaids

The beach is especially packed during the summer days, but I managed to find a beautiful cove that wasn’t too crowded about a couple weekends ago.

Enjoy the photos of my inner mermaid spirit :)

Ft. my favorite backpack ever from Twig and Arrow and my messy hair u.u

PC: my amazing photographer (aka my sister) and my photographer in training (aka my dad)

I give you an A for effort, Dad u_u

The more I look at this picture, the more I realize how tiny I am xD

I’ve grown up 10 minutes from the beach, and I know that I must have saltwater in my veins <3

Keep scrolling, I know you can make it u.u

Probably my favorite one <3

~ I must be a mermaid – I have no fear of depths and a great fear of shallow living.

Make every day an adventure (:

Road Trip Essentials

Hey there! You look beautiful today :D Where I live, it feels like a beautiful, perfect summer day and I just can NOT wait for summer. Everyone’s obsessing over how “spring is in the air” and what not. It definitely is, so much so that it feels like a June day. Anyways, let’s get on with this post.

So one of the common things you would see on tumblr are cute pictures of road trips. Road trips are like the best if you want to do a photo shoot, hang out with your friends, or just simply relax! So below I have listed what I love to bring on road trips. This isn’t a rule that everyone has to follow for road trips, it’s just a suggestion :) Enjoy!

1. First things first: bring a hat and sunglasses. You don’t want to get burned, and plus they look great ;)
2. I literally bring my lip balm everywhere I go. My lips get dry easily, and using lip balm really helps moisturize them. Currently I’m using the EOS blueberry lip balm~
3. Another thing for skin care is to bring lotion and sunscreen, to keep your skin looking fab.
4. You would also want to bring a good book, and perhaps even a small notebook to sketch and journal in. The Baltic Club has some amazing hand drawn notebooks that I would recommend.
   
5. BRING A CAMERA! This is probably my favorite thing to bring on a road trip. The camera I’m using is a Nikon D5300 and I have two different lenses that I absolutely love <3
6. MUST HAVE: your playlist and your earbuds/headphones. My favorite Christian artist would probably be Kari Jobe :) Current favorite song: The More I Seek You
7. Infused detox water – this tastes even better than just normal water and it’s super pretty too! All you have to do is just put slices of whatever you like (strawberries, cucumbers, or limes are a good way to start) into your water and voila! A refreshing drink without all the extra calories that are in soda. Actually, this actually makes me wants to drink more water, which in turn hydrates my face and keeps it clear.
8. Perhaps you will want to bring a blanket, just in case it gets cold :)
9. Snacks! Bring some trail mix, some fruit, anything you like! (I only bring healthy snacks *cough* most of the time….)
10. And last but not least, bring your friends! Because who goes on a road trip all by themselves? You can take cute pictures of each other too as a bonus :D

I really hope you enjoyed this post, and don’t forget to hit that like button if you did enjoy this post! If you didn’t enjoy this post…hit the like button anyways.

Love you all to the moon and back <3

That Girl Over There